My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
