I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
