i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
