8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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