dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
