Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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