woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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