just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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