i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
