I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
