i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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