I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
