I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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