Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
