I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
