Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
