i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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