We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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