Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
