Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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