I can text with my tongue
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
