Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
