Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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