genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
