he shaved USA in his pubs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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