so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
