How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
