he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
