My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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