I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
