You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
