Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
