Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
