I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
