turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
