I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
