Non-Jews are for practice
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
