I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
