Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
