Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
