DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
