Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You dont lie about slip and slides
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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