Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
