Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
