last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
