i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
