is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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