The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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