best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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