yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
