This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
