I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
