So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
