She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
