I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
