You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
