Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
