I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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