Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
