i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
