Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
